Google to replace G Suite with worse service for no reason
You will be able to pay a monthly fee for YouTube Red to get most features back
After shutting down Google Music and pushing customers over to YouTube Music in September for no apparent reason, Google has decided to move onto their next shameless plot against their customers. This time they are targeting the oh so popular G Suite. Soon you will be forced to port your data over from G Suite to YouTube Suite, where you will have the opportunity to buy back features that were once provided at no charge.
“Our plan is to move every G Suite customer over to our new service in November,” explained a company spokesperson. “YouTube Suite only updates when your phone is entirely shut off, your YouTube Drive can only hold 25 Mb of data on it, and you have to watch an ad before carrying out any action on the platform. Also we sell all your data to governments and companies. However, for customers who want their old features back and to protect their data, we offer a very affordable 15$ a month subscription fee that will give you the exact same thing you had before at no charge!”
To the uninitiated, this move may seem like a shameless cash grab from a greedy corporation during a pandemic. However, yes it is.
The move echoes a similar decision made by Google in September, when the company announced that they will be shutting down Google Music, but that customers will be able to transfer their music and playlists to YouTube Music. YouTube music of course won’t play back when your phone screen is locked and lacks many of the organizational features present in the old application. If you want to be able to use YouTube Music with your phone screen off, you have to pay YouTube a monthly fee.
Other tech firms hailed both moves from Google as “courageous” and “disruptive” to the industry. One tech insider said, “Wow, it’s like we don’t even have to pretend to care about our customers anymore. Apparently we can just take away features and sell them back again for a monthly subscription. This is big for tech, maybe we don’t have to innovate to make money. We can just keep selling people back features that used to be free.”
According to sources, after the company is also considering a search quota for the Google Search engine. Users will reportedly only be able to carry out three searches, before either paying a fee per search or paying for YouTube Red.
(Satire article, if that wasn’t clear)