Nine Esports That SHOULD Be In The Olympics
Don’t fuck this up for us
The Esports Olympics — A chance to go for gold at an Olympic event without ever touching grass. The dream of any true gamer. But to be so for real, I don’t trust the International Olympic Committee to do this whole “Esports Olympics” thing right. And I don’t think I’m alone.
In fact, most actual esports fans would agree that the Olympics missed the mark heavy at the 2023 Olympic Esports Week, which was a preview of what an IOC-led esports Olympics will most likely look like.
At this pilot event, players competed in the following nine games:
- Tik Tac Bow — a digital archery title
- WBSC eBaseball: Power Pros — a baseball simulator popular in Japan
- Chess — literally chess, except online
- Zwift — a cycling game powered by indoor bike trainers, very pandemic-core
- Virtual Regatta — a browser-based sailing race simulator
- Just Dance — yeah, the dance party game
- Virtual Taekwondo — a VR martial arts competition, not to be confused with actual Taekwondo
- Tennis Clash — a Mobile Tennis title
- Grand Turismo 7 — a simcade racing game
- Fortnite — but only target shooting?
A couple of these are immediately laughable. Just Dance feels completely out of left field, Tik Tac Bow is a mobile game with 2 stars on the Google Play Store, and Virtual Taekwondo? Come on guys, what are we doing?
In fact, of these games only Chess, Grand Turismo 7, and Fortnite pass for relevant esports. This list of random sports sims and mobile titles shows just how out of touch the Olympic committee is with esports fans.
Now, to be clear, I am not against sports sims. I have played dozens of sports sims on a variety of handheld and otherwise held devices. The ongoing popularity of sports titles including FIFA, NBA 2k, and Madden is a testament to how fun this genre is. And all three of those games I mentioned above have decent esports followings.
But to capture the true spirit of esports, you’re gonna need more than mobile games with no esports scene and overly literal titles like Zwift that miss what endemic gaming competitions are about. No offense to avid Tik Tac Bow fans, may you pay-to-win in peace.
We need a new list, and that’s why I am here.
Nine Esports For IOC To Consider For The Esports Olympics
I understand that the Olympics already said that shooters will not make their way into the Olympics. While I disagree with that decision, I won’t fight you on it (for now.) I focused my list on games that would feel appropriate for an Olympic stage. Let’s do it
- Rocket League
It’s a game about playing soccer with rocket-powered cars, so it’s a sort of a sports simulator.
This esport features skilled players, spectacular acrobatic plays, and split-second strategic decision-making. It’s fun to watch and play. And while it’s not as popular as a title like League Of Legends or DOTA 2, it’s uncontroversial. No one hates Rocket League, how could you? Look how cute those little rocket-powered cars go.
2. iRacing
Grand Tourismo 7 is a great game, but it's not a true sim. You need a real racing sim that is respected by real racers.
iRacing is about the best there is. It’s so good in fact, that a ton of pro racing drivers play on this very one, including the reigning F1 champion and noted piss baby Max Verstappen. This is your best bet to get global motorsport super-stars into your games, you should do it.
3. Chess
When played online, Chess is kinda an esport. Playing on Chess.com is a distinctively different experience from playing over the board.
We in esports have jokingly referred to it as the oldest esport for a long time. Particularly faster-paced speed-chess rules that take advantage of the pre-move tools would suit this event quite well, and probably draw in Levy Rozman who can sacrifice some rooks on the Olympic stage. Imagine that, Levy, at your event, sacrificing Rooks.
4. Street Fighter
There was a Street Fighter exhibition at the pilot program, so I know you are already considering this title. You need to cover the fighting game genre, because that genre has hella passionate fans. It can be tricky because there are a lot of fans of a lot of different fighting games. But Street Fighter is one of the classics, and an acceptable option to cover this essential esports community.
5. Zwift
Fine, you can have Zwift. I think it’s an overly literal interpretation of “esports” to include a game that is just a glorified version of biking in place, and most esports fans have never heard of it. But as a biker and a generally exhausted human, I won’t fight you on it.
6. Tetris
The boomers LOVE Tetris. If you wanna hit that key boomer age group, you gotta add Tetris.
7. League of Legends
Faker might come, it’s worth it. Trust.
8. Mario Party
If you think about it, it’s like if dozens of esports were all one esports.
9. Kaizo Mario Speedruns
Nintendo will be totally cool about this, I promise
Conclusion
My list isn’t definitive, and I am certain I missed some incredible candidates for the Esports Olympics. And yes, some of them were jokes (but which ones? the MYSTERY!). But on the whole, this list is a great starting point as you embark on your quest to not make the cringiest video game competition of all time. Please, don’t let us down again.
