Reinhardt’s Job Automated by Orisa Units?? SHOCK. Technology leaves Overwatch AND Talon looking to RETIRE old folks and AUTOMATE their JOBS!

Aaron J. Alford
3 min readAug 4, 2019


Retired national hero and briefly international criminal

Many years ago a dashing young man stole all of our hearts, and most of the spotlight, when he served as both a national warrior and a member of the now defunct Overwatch Unit. While Ana was getting shot in the eye, Reinhardt was making waves in the tabloids by defending the lands from evil omnics, and serving with the Overwatch Organization.

Reinhardt has inspired so many humans to pursue their dreams of watching their closest friends die over the course of a harrowing and brutally exhausting career. Reinhardt has also drawn his fair share of criticism for what many believe to be anti-omnic rhetoric. To his credit, a bunch of evil bastions attacked his homelands and killed his best friend, and they are replacing him with robot that is programmed to do his job.

Now Reinhardt is hanging up the hammer. He is turning in his armor for a very large rocking chair. He is turning in his massive shield, for a massive condo on the beach in Germany.

Reinhardt’s forced retirement may be the first in a series of retirements for some of our favorite international criminals, not all of them old. The militant terrorist organization known as “Overwatch” and their sister organization “Talon” have both announced the replacement of their main tanks with Orisa units, also something called a Hammond?, and in Talon’s case an inter-dimensional astrophysicist.

During the earliest parts of his career, Reinhardt faced down thousands of Silver bastion mains never destined for gold. “Fuck bastion” said Reinhardt in early footage of interviews which followed the first omnic uprising. “I have always been proud to stand against the use of robots in war, and I hope that we learn this lesson so that one day my children will live in a world where only people kill people.”

These comments sparked outrage from the omnic community and their allies, and Reinhardt has since changed his tune on omnics joining the military since the hashtag campaign #IWillNotBeYourShield trended on FaceTikTubeGram. He has always held up the importance of keeping a human element to violent conflict. Torbjorn is another advocate affected by the automation. Torbjorn announced last week that he has been asked to build his own replacement.

Now the very maxim of Reinhardt’s controversies has finally come for his job. The newest Orisa units are already live, and she does his job better in every way. Recently, Reinhardt’s age has been showing in the meta, and he is rarely picked to go on semi-repetitive and absolutely rage inducing missions, while he waits for role queue. Will more international criminals be replaced with omnics? Only time will tell.

ADVERTISEMENT: Fictional Underground Militant Groups like Overwatch and Talon are always searching for a new omnic, but they only hire mostly good guys for some reason. What Blizzard got against an evil robot? Are you an evil robot looking to join the cast of Overwatch because that would be cool? Contact Jeff. Please.



Aaron J. Alford

Media critique and memes. Writing about rhetoric and society. MA in Communication